Relegation. What it means to the average fan.

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palerider
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Relegation. What it means to the average fan.

Post by palerider » Fri Feb 14, 2020 1:23 pm

With the dark clouds descending on the iconic London Stadium and relegation as likely as either Oxford or Cambridge winning the boat race, here are the facts.

Forget about the financial aspect......Bankruptcy, points deductions etc. Or the sale of every player with a pulse (some not in Haller's case). Que Sera sera. Nothing you or I can do about it so why lose sleep ?

Here's 10 things that are important to the average fan.


1 Impending away games at Anfield and the Etihad.

No more will you be kicking the cat even BEFORE the match or putting your fingers in your ears saying 'I can't hear you' as Chris Kamara says 'Unbelievable Jeff. It's now 6. And it's not even half-time yet'.

2 Coronavirus.

Public Health England (PHE) are expected to advise against being in large crowds soon, for a period of up to 18 months while the disease inevitably hits Blighty. So with only 20,000 at the ILS, contagion will be much reduced.

3 Mark Noble not being the slowest player on the pitch.

He'll still be with us. And in some games (not all) he'll be positively Usain Bolt-esque.

4 Payet shirts.

In accordance with our diminished status, the Payet shirt mountain will only be reduced if our owners (peace be upon them) reduce the cost even more to possibly as little as £35. Why not pop into the club shop ?

5 Ease of travel.

The warp-speed transport links are not affected. Somerset to Stratford in 55 minutes will remain unchanged whether I watch us lose to Brentford or Arsenal.

6 KFC and Ashton Gate.

I've mentioned this before. But it's important. If we play Bristol City on a Tuesday night, the 9 pieces for £5.99 deal applies ALL day. And the KFC is right outside.

7 Games we may actually win.

We all like seeing a win don't we ? Well, there'll be teams in the Championship that even the Messiah will be confident against to field a half-attacking side and be far enough ahead after 75 minutes that the substitution of 3 attacking players for 3 defenders won't alter the result by more than a couple of goals. The boats will be rocking those nights !

8 The renaissance of Jordan Hugill.

I'm of the opinion he's no worse that our French champion even now. But the sight of him again in Claret and Blue will have the more creative among us scrambling for the laptop to write a song. 'He's strong. He's tall. He's missed the fucking ball Huuuu-gill Huuuugill'. Nothing like cockney wit.

9 Kids for 5p.

Again, with relegation, the Kids for a quid scheme will need to be adjusted. And in these turbulent times every penny counts. 95p can buy you a can of cheap cider. If your sprog objects, preferring a day playing Warcraft or some shit, a clip round the ear works well.

10 Finally. A sense of realism.

In the transfer windows, when you read that the dwarf is in talks with Neymar, there can be no doubt. Even the most optimistic fan will know he's taking the fucking piss.


COYI




Bilic out.
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Re: Relegation. What it means to the average fan.

Post by BlackDiamond » Fri Feb 14, 2020 8:06 pm

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Re: Relegation. What it means to the average fan.

Post by kingclyde » Sat Feb 15, 2020 11:15 am

Don't give a flying fuck to be honest.

I actually enjoy Championship Footy.

Will I miss the delights of watching some preening, over-tattooed household-name cunt throwing himself around like a rag doll in a hurricane to "win" a penalty? No.

Will I miss some short-arse, dribbling lisper continually making noises about signing stars, only to be pipped to the post when the player decides he'd rather not play for minimum wage? No.

In many ways I think Championship footy is closer to the kind of footy I enjoy watching.

Yes, the shuffling buffoons who on the club will lose a packet. Fucking hilarious.

The board may be rushing to get off the ship like aristocrats off the Titanic. Good.

The club continues. In whatever division they play. I'll still watch. And I'll still support. And I may well enjoy it all the more.

So welcome to The Championship.
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Re: Relegation. What it means to the average fan.

Post by palerider » Sat Feb 15, 2020 11:35 am

Welcome back Frog.

I thought you'd got the hump over Brexit.
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Re: Relegation. What it means to the average fan.

Post by kingclyde » Sat Feb 15, 2020 11:54 am

palerider wrote:
Sat Feb 15, 2020 11:35 am
Welcome back Frog.

I thought you'd got the hump over Brexit.
Oh mate, I could not give a fuck about Brexit. I have had years of it and all it does is give me a headache when I have to slap my forehead with increasing ferocity as I hear cunts from the left and the right witter on about something of which they have no fucking knowledge.

Instead of concentrating on refining and improving a good idea so it works better for all of us, we swallowed the nonsense spouted by a bunch of immoral cunts from the left and right, and walked away. A decision I have no doubt we will regret. Britain's hopes rest on two things now - Trump stays in power and makes us his little poodle (which is becoming increasingly likely, and the only route), or Germany abandons the EU and it falls down, to be replaced by something more in-keeping with the wishes of a group of independent nations rather than a corrupt social experiment by a bunch of technocrats secure in the knowledge they would never suffer any of the bad effects of the decisions they make.

I'd prefer the second outcome, But I doubt it has a chance in a billion of happening.
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Re: Relegation. What it means to the average fan.

Post by palerider » Sat Feb 15, 2020 2:49 pm

kingclyde wrote:
Sat Feb 15, 2020 11:15 am
Don't give a flying fuck to be honest.

I actually enjoy Championship Footy.

Will I miss the delights of watching some preening, over-tattooed household-name cunt throwing himself around like a rag doll in a hurricane to "win" a penalty? No.

Will I miss some short-arse, dribbling lisper continually making noises about signing stars, only to be pipped to the post when the player decides he'd rather not play for minimum wage? No.

In many ways I think Championship footy is closer to the kind of footy I enjoy watching.

Yes, the shuffling buffoons who on the club will lose a packet. Fucking hilarious.

The board may be rushing to get off the ship like aristocrats off the Titanic. Good.

The club continues. In whatever division they play. I'll still watch. And I'll still support. And I may well enjoy it all the more.

So welcome to The Championship.
Nailed it Frog.

The Messiah will lead us back, don't worry about that.

For it is foretold in Leviticus.

For it is written. Those that seek comfort from the wild-eyed man of the north will flourish.
For he is their saviour. And those that will storm his mighty walls will fail.
The stunted treasurer from the House of Israel will give him many shekels to build his Empire.
And he shall lead the great tribe from the East of the Great City back to the promised land.

Amen.
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Re: Relegation. What it means to the average fan.

Post by kingclyde » Sat Feb 15, 2020 3:17 pm

palerider wrote:
Sat Feb 15, 2020 2:49 pm
kingclyde wrote:
Sat Feb 15, 2020 11:15 am
Don't give a flying fuck to be honest.

I actually enjoy Championship Footy.

Will I miss the delights of watching some preening, over-tattooed household-name cunt throwing himself around like a rag doll in a hurricane to "win" a penalty? No.

Will I miss some short-arse, dribbling lisper continually making noises about signing stars, only to be pipped to the post when the player decides he'd rather not play for minimum wage? No.

In many ways I think Championship footy is closer to the kind of footy I enjoy watching.

Yes, the shuffling buffoons who on the club will lose a packet. Fucking hilarious.

The board may be rushing to get off the ship like aristocrats off the Titanic. Good.

The club continues. In whatever division they play. I'll still watch. And I'll still support. And I may well enjoy it all the more.

So welcome to The Championship.
Nailed it Frog.

The Messiah will lead us back, don't worry about that.

For it is foretold in Leviticus.

For it is written. Those that seek comfort from the wild-eyed man of the north will flourish.
For he is their saviour. And those that will storm his mighty walls will fail.
The stunted treasurer from the House of Israel will give him many shekels to build his Empire.
And he shall lead the great tribe from the East of the Great City back to the promised land.

Amen.

"Beware the fool gargoyle in a skirt with eyes that doth protrude, for he shall lead you into a vale of tears and forever adandon the loyal unto to the depths of hades. He may bestow the name winner on himself, but turn way from him - his faith in himself is unfounded. Trust the man from the east whose new dress is of black and white and who was once cast out to the land where the voice of man is that of a sparrow. He shall return when the shadows above Olympus disperse and the devils within move on to feast on new, innocent flesh. Thence the saviour shall bring joy once more to the arena where no man shall be seated beyond the track where the fleet of foot do run in circles"

Nostrodamus.
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Re: Relegation. What it means to the average fan.

Post by palerider » Sat Feb 15, 2020 3:35 pm

kingclyde wrote:
Sat Feb 15, 2020 3:17 pm
palerider wrote:
Sat Feb 15, 2020 2:49 pm


Nailed it Frog.

The Messiah will lead us back, don't worry about that.

For it is foretold in Leviticus.

For it is written. Those that seek comfort from the wild-eyed man of the north will flourish.
For he is their saviour. And those that will storm his mighty walls will fail.
The stunted treasurer from the House of Israel will give him many shekels to build his Empire.
And he shall lead the great tribe from the East of the Great City back to the promised land.

Amen.

"Beware the fool gargoyle in a skirt with eyes that doth protrude, for he shall lead you into a vale of tears and forever adandon the loyal unto to the depths of hades. He may bestow the name winner on himself, but turn way from him - his faith in himself is unfounded. Trust the man from the east whose new dress is of black and white and who was once cast out to the land where the voice of man is that of a sparrow. He shall return when the shadows above Olympus disperse and the devils within move on to feast on new, innocent flesh. Thence the saviour shall bring joy once more to the arena where no man shall be seated beyond the track where the fleet of foot do run in circles"

Nostrodamus.
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Re: Relegation. What it means to the average fan.

Post by palerider » Sat Feb 15, 2020 3:45 pm

There will be a time when men shall fly. And iron beasts shall travel the land.
And these men shall arrive in London in mere minutes because of these iron beasts, even to the east of the city.
And a cult shall form. And when the second millenium plus twenty is on them, a dwarf will be their minister.
But he shall be thrown from his ministry by the men from Arabia. Whose own ministry falls by false spending.
And their chosen one, a man of Spain, shall become the leader of this cult.
And lead them to glory.



Mother Shipton prophecy.

1552.
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Re: Relegation. What it means to the average fan.

Post by kingclyde » Sat Feb 15, 2020 4:04 pm

palerider wrote:
Sat Feb 15, 2020 3:45 pm
There will be a time when men shall fly. And iron beasts shall travel the land.
And these men shall arrive in London in mere minutes because of these iron beasts, even to the east of the city.
And a cult shall form. And when the second millenium plus twenty is on them, a dwarf will be their minister.
But he shall be thrown from his ministry by the men from Arabia. Whose own ministry falls by false spending.
And their chosen one, a man of Spain, shall become the leader of this cult.
And lead them to glory.



Mother Shipton prophecy.

1552.
Roses are red
Violets are Blue
We're fucked
Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo

Oscar Wilde
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