Genuinely not Tommy Cooper.

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Mikeveep
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Genuinely not Tommy Cooper.

Post by Mikeveep » Thu Sep 12, 2019 4:10 pm

So I visited my doctor for an annual jab to keep the horrible Winter germs away.

He said "Flu ?"

I said "No I came by car" :lol:
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Newmarket
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Re: Genuinely not Tommy Cooper.

Post by Newmarket » Thu Sep 12, 2019 5:31 pm

Anyone got a worse joke than Mikey ?

If nobody can manage it i’ll Ban him .


















:lol:
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I hate Thrush he’s an irritating Cunt .

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h69
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Re: Genuinely not Tommy Cooper.

Post by h69 » Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:00 pm

I applied to be a sperm donor and the nurse asked if I could masturbate in the cup....

...I told her I'm pretty good but I don't think I am ready to compete in a tournament yet.
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Watchout for Spongebob

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palerider
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Re: Genuinely not Tommy Cooper.

Post by palerider » Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:57 pm

So I went into the vets and I was asking if there was any chance of putting my dog down.

Why, is he sick ?

No, he's heavy.
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The cheque's in the post. Honestly.

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BillyDWhizz
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Re: Genuinely not Tommy Cooper.

Post by BillyDWhizz » Thu Sep 12, 2019 10:13 pm

Me: That's it! I'm not working for my boss anymore after what he just said to me!
Wife: Why? What did he say?
Me: You're fired.
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Rounding to the nearest whole numbers makes them pointless.

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terrya1965
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Re: Genuinely not Tommy Cooper.

Post by terrya1965 » Thu Sep 12, 2019 10:38 pm

I went in to a pet shop and asked to buy a wasp.

"Sorry Sir,I am afraid we don't sell them".

"Well you got one in the window".
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OZHAMMER
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Re: Genuinely not Tommy Cooper.

Post by OZHAMMER » Fri Sep 13, 2019 11:09 am

You should’ve seen the look on my missus face when I put a twig in her new non-stick frying pan...
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BillyDWhizz
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Re: Genuinely not Tommy Cooper.

Post by BillyDWhizz » Fri Sep 13, 2019 1:07 pm

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees.
The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
"You've given me one too many"
"That one's a freebie"
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Rounding to the nearest whole numbers makes them pointless.

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Newmarket
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Re: Genuinely not Tommy Cooper.

Post by Newmarket » Fri Sep 13, 2019 5:36 pm

BillyDWhizz wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 1:07 pm
I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees.
The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
"You've given me one too many"
"That one's a freebie"
You’ve saved Mikey’s 🥓.

That joke is fucking terrible :lol: :lol: :lol:
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I hate Thrush he’s an irritating Cunt .

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Noni
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Re: Genuinely not Tommy Cooper.

Post by Noni » Fri Sep 13, 2019 8:28 pm

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
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