A friend of mine is at the roots, over his wife and the menapause, naturally I've offered some thoughts on the matter.
I started off by offering to pop round and give the wench a good slap, followed by an all night rogering topped off with a torture session and maybe some sword fencing if we have time. It's no good farting around with these bitches, you have to have a firm hand, and may I add a good pair of steel toe cap boots!
So what if they're up all night sweating like a rapist, sleep next to the fucking fridge or better still on a park bench!
And if the minge is as dry as an Arabs sandal just whack a bit of axle grease round the beef curtains and off you trot.
And what's with this headache malarkey, just get the bong out and have a sesh, three hours on that and she'll forget who she is and sleep for a fortnight!!
For far too long these mamby Pamby witches have gotten away with murder. Crying and balling over being back scuttled while watching the soaps or off to the mother in law's when a bloke wants his shlong chewed on at 4 in the morning.
The fucking money they've cost men over the years on sanitary products when a few cut up old vests/bedsheets would have been sufficient.
You don't hear us men moaning, I had a headache and a slight wheezing on the chest last week and had to get a will drawn up a bit sharpish! No doctor for me, just sling me in a box and to hell with it all. When Southampton scored on Sunday, did I moan, did I fuck! I just picked up a shovel and laid the next door neighbour out cold in the back garden!
Fucking females, life of Riley they have!!!
They don't know they're fucking born. I was viciously attacked by a letter from South Somerset Council this morning giving me an horrendous paper cut. Lady P fainted because of the blood but did I phone 999 for an ambulance ?
No sir. I soldiered on like a trooper. Staunched the flow with hot wax and drank a litre bottle of Jim Beam for the pain.
palerider wrote: ↑Thu Oct 20, 2022 11:34 am
They don't know they're fucking born. I was viciously attacked by a letter from South Somerset Council this morning giving me an horrendous paper cut. Lady P fainted because of the blood but did I phone 999 for an ambulance ?
No sir. I soldiered on like a trooper. Staunched the flow with hot wax and drank a litre bottle of Jim Beam for the pain.
They don't make em like us anymore Mon Ami.
I had a leaf blow in to my face the other day while stalking up a tree. I could have been blinded, even worse beheaded altogether!
Did I go running off to A+E? no, I carefully lowered my crossbow and bottles of chlorophyll and made my way back home,
Woke wankers.
palerider wrote: ↑Thu Oct 20, 2022 11:34 am
They don't know they're fucking born. I was viciously attacked by a letter from South Somerset Council this morning giving me an horrendous paper cut. Lady P fainted because of the blood but did I phone 999 for an ambulance ?
No sir. I soldiered on like a trooper. Staunched the flow with hot wax and drank a litre bottle of Jim Beam for the pain.
They don't make em like us anymore Mon Ami.
I had a leaf blow in to my face the other day while stalking up a tree. I could have been blinded, even worse beheaded altogether!
Did I go running off to A+E? no, I carefully lowered my crossbow and bottles of chlorophyll and made my way back home,
Woke wankers.
palerider wrote: ↑Thu Oct 20, 2022 11:34 am
They don't know they're fucking born. I was viciously attacked by a letter from South Somerset Council this morning giving me an horrendous paper cut. Lady P fainted because of the blood but did I phone 999 for an ambulance ?
No sir. I soldiered on like a trooper. Staunched the flow with hot wax and drank a litre bottle of Jim Beam for the pain.
They don't make em like us anymore Mon Ami.
I had a leaf blow in to my face the other day while stalking up a tree. I could have been blinded, even worse beheaded altogether!
Did I go running off to A+E? no, I carefully lowered my crossbow and bottles of chlorophyll and made my way back home,
Woke wankers.
I broke a nail once doing that. But still got the old dear into the van, then put Midnight Rambler by the Stones on the CD player.
My Dad taught me that true never say die Churchillian spirit after he was released from Rampton.
They don't make em like us anymore Mon Ami.
I had a leaf blow in to my face the other day while stalking up a tree. I could have been blinded, even worse beheaded altogether!
Did I go running off to A+E? no, I carefully lowered my crossbow and bottles of chlorophyll and made my way back home,
Woke wankers.
I broke a nail once doing that. But still got the old dear into the van, then put Midnight Rambler by the Stones on the CD player.
My Dad taught me that true never say die Churchillian spirit after he was released from Rampton.
A fine resort indeed my learned friend.
I've spent many a happy hour chewing through straight jackets, talking to chairs, going for moonlight walks dressed as an ostrich, as I'm sure you have. They talk about the Seychelles, Bali, etc. But give me Rampton any day.
