Hammers Chat

As I've got a bit of time on my hands from the humdrum of daily life i.e gambling, trafficking, pimping, kidnapping, dogging, etc.
I've decided to take up playing the harp, it's a bit of an awkward cunt, getting it in the car but if lady BB tilts her bonce a bit I can manoeuvre it properly. I used to play the flute, but after a particular brutal session on the fence restorer involving ten foot of rope a 6 year old silverback called Candice, 47 bottles of laughing gas and large vat of car grease I found myself wandering around stark bollock naked somewhere near junction 4 on the M25.
I find the harp a most soothing instrument and the sound and indeed the vibrations can bring on an unexpected lob on, resulting in a quick tug on the veiny hotdog. Bit of a nuisance when you're outside Tesco's I grant you, but needs must I'm afraid.
What's your hobbies apart from slagging off McCunty?

All noble pastimes my learned friend. And I wish you well with your efforts with the harp. Never had the ear for it myself and I'm searching for something new as I'm running out of room collecting the samurai armour.

I was thinking of voodoo, making clay models of Stumpy and McDullard etc, but I've settled on trying to catch the Exmoor Beast, a black panther said to roam around the Somerset hills.

I'll need live bait of course and Mrs Armitage, the old bitch next door, has complained about me playing Rage Against the Machine at 3am once too often, so it's chloroform and a quick dump in the boot of the Peugeot for her.


Chocks away !

palerider wrote: ↑Mon Mar 27, 2023 7:21 pm All noble pastimes my learned friend. And I wish you well with your efforts with the harp. Never had the ear for it myself and I'm searching for something new as I'm running out of room collecting the samurai armour.

I was thinking of voodoo, making clay models of Stumpy and McDullard etc, but I've settled on trying to catch the Exmoor Beast, a black panther said to roam around the Somerset hills.

I'll need live bait of course and Mrs Armitage, the old bitch next door, has complained about me playing Rage Against the Machine at 3am once too often, so it's chloroform and a quick dump in the boot of the Peugeot for her.


Chocks away !

Why chloroform ? Why not a bullet in the head ?

Newmarket wrote: ↑Mon Mar 27, 2023 11:10 pm

palerider wrote: ↑Mon Mar 27, 2023 7:21 pm All noble pastimes my learned friend. And I wish you well with your efforts with the harp. Never had the ear for it myself and I'm searching for something new as I'm running out of room collecting the samurai armour.

I was thinking of voodoo, making clay models of Stumpy and McDullard etc, but I've settled on trying to catch the Exmoor Beast, a black panther said to roam around the Somerset hills.

I'll need live bait of course and Mrs Armitage, the old bitch next door, has complained about me playing Rage Against the Machine at 3am once too often, so it's chloroform and a quick dump in the boot of the Peugeot for her.


Chocks away !

Why chloroform ? Why not a bullet in the head ?

Wouldn't be live bait then would it.

palerider wrote: ↑Tue Mar 28, 2023 7:41 am

Newmarket wrote: ↑Mon Mar 27, 2023 11:10 pm

Why chloroform ? Why not a bullet in the head ?

Wouldn't be live bait then would it.

Deadbait’s been just as effective on here lately

After a 20 year or so break, plus a new hip, I've started playing golf again. Cunt of a game .
Good thing about it is the English lady, well Brummie lass, who works at the course does a wicked bacon and tomato Sanger for brekky when I finish.
Takes me back to Sunday mornings round mum's after a big night in the Swan or Yorkshire Grey

tassiehammer wrote: ↑Tue Mar 28, 2023 11:10 am After a 20 year or so break, plus a new hip, I've started playing golf again. Cunt of a game .
Good thing about it is the English lady, well Brummie lass, who works at the course does a wicked bacon and tomato Sanger for brekky when I finish.
Takes me back to Sunday mornings round mum's after a big night in the Swan or Yorkshire Grey

It is indeed a cunt of a game. Just when you think you've got the hang of it it kicks you in the bollocks.

I've started swimming again after the pools all shut due to covid.

Golf and fishing.

A boring post... but short, and to the point.

tassiehammer wrote: ↑Tue Mar 28, 2023 11:10 am After a 20 year or so break, plus a new hip, I've started playing golf again. Cunt of a game .
Good thing about it is the English lady, well Brummie lass, who works at the course does a wicked bacon and tomato Sanger for brekky when I finish.
Takes me back to Sunday mornings round mum's after a big night in the Swan or Yorkshire Grey

It’s frustrating when the fuckin windmill knocks your ball back to ya aint it

tassiehammer wrote: ↑Tue Mar 28, 2023 11:10 am After a 20 year or so break, plus a new hip, I've started playing golf again. Cunt of a game .
Good thing about it is the English lady, well Brummie lass, who works at the course does a wicked bacon and tomato Sanger for brekky when I finish.
Takes me back to Sunday mornings round mum's after a big night in the Swan or Yorkshire Grey

Two good pubs back in the day.