palerider wrote: ↑Wed Jul 12, 2023 1:40 pm
Following last year's success I'm opening Pale Towers to the public again this summer.
With the Saharan heat plume causing temperatures of nearly 50 degrees in Johnny Foreigner land soon, who wants that when you can stroll through the grounds in a balmy 16 degrees not throwing up last night's paella.
Visit the dungeons where lifelike wax asylum seekers groan in their chains. They're so realistic you'd think they were real.
Try the Khat Experience, run by my Somalis. Feel what it's like to be Elvis sitting on a giant gunea pig.
See the Duke's bedroom. Not changed a bit since the Duke of Monmouth hid there in 1685 on the run from the King's troops. The skidmarks on the sheets where he shat himself are still visible !
Take a cream tea at the Berghof Bistro and listen to 'Rise of the Valkyries' as you eat. Cream or Jam first ?
Walk on the ramparts. See if you can hit the Tottenham fan with a crossbow medieval style.
Visit Ye Olde Zoider Press and see traditional cider being made. Try a pint of the 'Journey Into Space' 15% proof special.
Toss a coin into the Mystic cat wishing well. You never know your luck. McDullard may be gone by 2029.
And many more....
Admission.
Adults £15
Under-16 £10
Old cunts and raspberries £10
Under 5's Free.
Directions. From London, A303 to Podimore Roundabout then ask at the Burger King where Pale lives.
From the West, Same.
From the South, A37 through Yeovil then follow the signs.
From the North. We don't want you. Fuck off.
Reviews.
"The best dogging spots in Somerset" Mrs G, Portsmouth.
"Loved the khat and the marvellous views of Kilimanjaro afterward" Mr T, Camberley.
" I fell asleep after 8 pints of cider with my dick out....fantastic" Mr C, Sandhurst.
" I'm fucking sure one of those asylum seekers was real as the cunt shouted for help" Mr Von P, Nurenburg.
Proud Member of English Heritage.
