Hammers Chat

palerider wrote: ↑Wed Jul 12, 2023 1:40 pm Following last year's success I'm opening Pale Towers to the public again this summer.

With the Saharan heat plume causing temperatures of nearly 50 degrees in Johnny Foreigner land soon, who wants that when you can stroll through the grounds in a balmy 16 degrees not throwing up last night's paella.

Visit the dungeons where lifelike wax asylum seekers groan in their chains. They're so realistic you'd think they were real.

Try the Khat Experience, run by my Somalis. Feel what it's like to be Elvis sitting on a giant gunea pig.

See the Duke's bedroom. Not changed a bit since the Duke of Monmouth hid there in 1685 on the run from the King's troops. The skidmarks on the sheets where he shat himself are still visible !

Take a cream tea at the Berghof Bistro and listen to 'Rise of the Valkyries' as you eat. Cream or Jam first ?

Walk on the ramparts. See if you can hit the Tottenham fan with a crossbow medieval style.

Visit Ye Olde Zoider Press and see traditional cider being made. Try a pint of the 'Journey Into Space' 15% proof special.

Toss a coin into the Mystic cat wishing well. You never know your luck. McDullard may be gone by 2029.


And many more....

Admission.

Adults £15
Under-16 £10
Old cunts and raspberries £10
Under 5's Free.

Directions. From London, A303 to Podimore Roundabout then ask at the Burger King where Pale lives.
From the West, Same.
From the South, A37 through Yeovil then follow the signs.
From the North. We don't want you. Fuck off.

Reviews.

"The best dogging spots in Somerset" Mrs G, Portsmouth.
"Loved the khat and the marvellous views of Kilimanjaro afterward" Mr T, Camberley.
" I fell asleep after 8 pints of cider with my dick out....fantastic" Mr C, Sandhurst.
" I'm fucking sure one of those asylum seekers was real as the cunt shouted for help" Mr Von P, Nurenburg.

Proud Member of English Heritage.

jadu123 wrote: ↑Fri Jul 14, 2023 11:20 am I'm going on vacation; adventure awaits.

palerider wrote: ↑Sat Jul 15, 2023 9:19 am A five day break on the Isle of Wight starts today.

A bit windy so the ferry may be fun, but I'll be on deck with a harpoon gun looking for any dinghies that may have blown off course.

Brookbonds73 wrote: ↑Sun Jul 16, 2023 4:23 pm

palerider wrote: ↑Sat Jul 15, 2023 9:19 am A five day break on the Isle of Wight starts today.

A bit windy so the ferry may be fun, but I'll be on deck with a harpoon gun looking for any dinghies that may have blown off course.

That's the spirit my learned friend, always best to keep the eye in, as they say.
I like the harpoon myself but the reload can be a tad time consuming.
My personal choice is the tried and tested flamethrower, but each to their own Mon Ami.

palerider wrote: ↑Wed Jul 19, 2023 6:50 pm

Brookbonds73 wrote: ↑Sun Jul 16, 2023 4:23 pm


That's the spirit my learned friend, always best to keep the eye in, as they say.
I like the harpoon myself but the reload can be a tad time consuming.
My personal choice is the tried and tested flamethrower, but each to their own Mon Ami.

It was touch and go for a bit mi amigo as the waves were mountainous. It's a good job I'm a salty sea dog from naval stock. And as I thought, a small boat was indeed floundering and off course, full to the gunwales with NPP's. Sinking fast with the Yarmouth RNLI boat out elsewhere following a mysterious SOS call that a cockapoo was in trouble on the other side of the island. A few snowflakes on the ferry were screaming out that somebody should do something, so I did. I shouted 'Dover's that way'. I don't think they understood though.

No pleasing some people.

Brookbonds73 wrote: ↑Wed Jul 19, 2023 8:05 pm

palerider wrote: ↑Wed Jul 19, 2023 6:50 pm

It was touch and go for a bit mi amigo as the waves were mountainous. It's a good job I'm a salty sea dog from naval stock. And as I thought, a small boat was indeed floundering and off course, full to the gunwales with NPP's. Sinking fast with the Yarmouth RNLI boat out elsewhere following a mysterious SOS call that a cockapoo was in trouble on the other side of the island. A few snowflakes on the ferry were screaming out that somebody should do something, so I did. I shouted 'Dover's that way'. I don't think they understood though.

No pleasing some people.

One can but try Mon Ami.
They'll be sorry when they're off the coast of Miami and the yanks are shooting holes in their boat.
Friendly fire n all that.

palerider wrote: ↑Thu Jul 20, 2023 6:29 pm

Brookbonds73 wrote: ↑Wed Jul 19, 2023 8:05 pm


One can but try Mon Ami.
They'll be sorry when they're off the coast of Miami and the yanks are shooting holes in their boat.
Friendly fire n all that.

Great Whites too my learned friend. They like spicy food.