palerider wrote: ↑Thu Jul 29, 2021 2:09 pm
Fucking vultures.
'I want my family to celebrate my life without the worry of paying for an expensive funeral, so I've taken out an affordable plan with Pure Cremation'.
Despicable cunts.
And in any case, I want my family to spend fucking shed loads. I want Bubbles and Jerusalem belting out as I'm lying in the church. I want to be decked out in bling. And fucking expensive gifts for the cats, who'll be in mourning. And I want to be buried too, not cremated.
What if I'm not dead ?
I'll tell you this for nothing, ten pints of Petherington's Old Shagger leaves you without a pulse for days and a mutton phaal at the Pearl of India after the session will give you the sweet smell of decomposition for just as long.
I don't want to wake up just as the curtains close, fuck that.
I'd be like Mark Noble trying to get out of the centre circle.
A fine way to go indeed my friend.
For me personally, a burial with all the trimmings, is the order of the day.
I don't want some cunt waltzing in with a jug of diesel to chuck over me as I'm chucking my last sackload of man goo up a young piglet.
Ney Ney and thrice Ney sir. 50k for starters for me and I care not a jot if they go skint in the process, get a loan, sell the house, sell the kids!
I want scantily clad wenches performing with farm animals, fire eaters, jousting, mud wrestling and of course dwarves being fired out of a large cannon.
I've entered enough curtains in my time, but be jiggered if I'm having them closed behind me while a transvestite heshe of a priest gives it large from the holy book.
And none of this little plot malarkey either.
I want a tomb in the shape of a large shlong akin to Nelson's column with a big pair of testes at the bottom adorned with claret and blue ribbons.
Pure cremation, I'll shit em!
Love a cup of Rosey I do.